Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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