So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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