Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
