do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
