Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
