just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
