I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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