Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
