Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
