I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
