dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
