There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
