Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
