All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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