I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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