Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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