new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This baby is an asshole
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
