If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize