Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just puked most of my soul out..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
