oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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