i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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