You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
