Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
