yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
