apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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