if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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