I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
