it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
