The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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