who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
