Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
