Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
