In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
