i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
