dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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