sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
