if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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