duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
