The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
