Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
