She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
