well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
