Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
