I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
