Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
