Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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