I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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