Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have fence marks all over my body
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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