i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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