The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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