i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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