I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
