If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
