I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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