Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize