Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
