You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
