I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
