I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How naked do you want me to be?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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