Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
