Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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