I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
