I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
