so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
