no, he came in my armpit
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
