did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
