They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
