did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
