So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize