Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
