508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
