***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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