Whod you bang
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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