DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
