Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize